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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

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NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

 

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY___________ CODE_____

 

Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No

Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No

If No, explain:

______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

 

A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No

 

B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No

 

C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No

 

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No

 

E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No

 

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No

pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

 

(IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

 

ESSAY SECTION:

 

In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

 

REFERENCES SECTION:

 

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

 

How often you attend ________________________________________________

 

When would be the best time to interview your:

 

father? _____________

 

mother? _____________

 

pastor? _____________

 

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

 

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers

are confidential.

 

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

 

______________________________________________________________

 

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

 

C: A woman’s place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

 

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

 

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

 

 

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

 

 

(NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”, or “B” discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

 

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

 

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

 

_________________________________________________________

Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

 

 

_______________________________      ________________________________

Mother’s Signature                   Father’s Signature

 

_______________________________      ________________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                  MP/ EMPLOYER/

 

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and

non-sexual. Please allow 22 to 26 years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try

to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you

injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two

gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases

 

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